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Your
interest in my Website tells me that you want a meaningful
and intimate wedding ceremony.
If
you’ve clicked on this page, you probably
also have a stronger determination than most to
make your mutual commitment and joy in each other
last a lifetime. Of course, it’s entirely
up to you whether you’d like to participate
in the program described below. Some couples choose
not to participate, which is fine. But the experience
of Audrey Marzan and Herby Ramos is worth knowing
about.
Before
marrying, they had expressed concern about their sometimes
differing attitudes about gender issues, handling finances,
raising children, spiritual beliefs. They wanted to be
better prepared to deal with such challenges as a modern
married couple, so they elected to participate in my PARTNERING
FOR LIFE® program.
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Here’s
what they wrote me afterward:
“Thank
you, Jim, for spending the time to help us enrich
our relationship even more.
We
are looking forward to our special day, and even more
excited about our new life together.
Thank
you for your wisdom and insight... and for the laughs.
We had some good ones!”
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For
close to 30 years I’ve enjoyed my practice in psychotherapy,
specializing in working with couples. Again and again,
I’ve seen how knowledge of a partner’s point
of view about important issues in a relationship — and
each partner’s knowing how to communicate effectively
when those beliefs conflict — are key to keeping
a marriage loving and happy. Out of this experience,
I developed a special partnering program designed to
make a measurable difference in the many years a couple
spends together. And I take a contemporary, undogmatic,
nondenominational approach that my clients greatly appreciate:
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Doesn’t
this make good sense: The more you know about your
own and your partner’s strengths and vulnerabilities,
the clearer you will be as to what you agree and disagree
about. And the greater your ability to deal with problems
and conflicts that surface in every marriage, the better
chance you have to keep your own marriage exciting,
growing, on track.
PARTNERING
FOR LIFE® is a wonderful opportunity to explore
your relationship honestly and creatively in a supportive
setting, to learn why you’re so good together
and to articulate to one another the dreams and goals
each of you hope to reach.
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How? First,
each partner independently takes a written inventory
(called Prepare) revealing feelings about such issues
as the management of money and time, communication styles,
how to resolve disputes, sexual needs, expectations for
the marriage, spiritual beliefs, having and raising children,
each other’s families. The partners are asked to
indicate their level of assent — from strongly agree
to strongly disagree — to 165 statements.
Example: “I
am satisfied with how we talk with each other.”
Do
you:  Strongly
Disagree Disagree Undecided Agree Strongly
agree
Want
a fuller picture of the “Prepare” Inventory?
Click here for more examples.
Then return to this page
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the results with my feedback and facilitation, you’ll
focus creatively on whether you’re “on the same
page” about a given issue. You may uncover strengths
in the relationship that help illuminate why you’re
so strongly connected. Together we will also spotlight
potential danger zones of disagreement. I’ve found
that it’s often not the particular disagreement that
matters most but how you communicate and manage your difference
of opinion. I believe I can teach you valuable skills of
creative communication and conflict resolution. |
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“Working
with you and Prepare has reminded us that the health
and longevity of this marriage will be based on
the attention, respect and communication tools
that we bring into the private intimacy of our
union…
Prepare has fostered in us a lively dialogue with a great deal of laughter,
love, humor and affirmation as we’ve explored our strengths and
weaknesses to help us grow closer.”
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Here’s
how I work: Led off by the Prepare process, PARTNERING
FOR LIFE® offers 4 to 6 sessions of 75 minutes
each. A cost is involved but couples who have completed
the program consider it a sound investment in their future
. Marriage may be the most complex of human relationships
and, as with anything so important, sustaining it takes
effort and commitment.
Research
at the University of Denver’s Center for Marital
and Family Studies seem to indicate that couples who
take advantage of such programs “have a significantly
lower divorce rate than couples who don’t.” I
have seen PARTNERING FOR LIFE® unite couples
in deeply constructive ways that should assist them in
staying happily together long after they are legally
united.
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